Jodhaa Akbar : Mughals for Dummies

Jodhaa Akbar

I am all for poetic/literary/cinematic liberty. I really am. I’ve been known to demonstrate for the protection of these liberties in public. Well, that’s stretching it a bit actually. Stretching it to the point that it obscures the fact that I secretly root for the Bajrang Dal when they shoo away lovestruck couples on Valentine’s Day (Get a job / Go to college idiots).

Let me say this straight up. I cannot wrap my mind around the fact that people actually like Hrithik Roshan. He hams, has little-to-no talent and comes off as trying too hard. Aishwarya Rai is pretty in a middle-class, homely sort of way. I find it funny when she tries to pull off the sex-kitten roles. And when she pouts, I just want to whack her face with a 2-by-4. Now we can come back to the movie.

I really don’t know a lot about Jodhaa (or Akbar). I had a look at the posters and decided that maybe I’ll see it one of these days. Then I read some reviews and that was the end of that. It seems that Ashutosh Gowariker got some itsy-bitsy factoids wrong. As it turns out, Jodha wasn’t Akbar’s wife at all. She may have dated Salim a couple of months though. Hmmm. That reeks of shoddy fieldwork, Gowariker. Here, make a couple of movies on these ideas

1. Romeo’s dad and Juliet

2. Archie and Mrs.Lodge

3. A sequel to Lagaan where A.K.Hangal romances Gracy Singh

The film shows that Jodha forced Akbar to turn vegan and abolish the pilgrimage tax. So much sacrifice for nought. Oh Akbar, you old fool. How could you have missed the stolen glances between Jojo and Sheikhoo.

Had he not been stifled by the 4-hour restriction, Gowariker would have proceeded to depict how Jodha got Akbar to get a butterfly tattoo, started a hair salon chain for women and established world peace. Honest to goodness, I hope high-school kids don’t screw up their History papers after watching this.

The flick is a lawsuit waiting to happen.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s