Hindi Movies

I absolutely, unapologetically hate Hindi movies. The last one I really liked was Andaz Apna Apna. I loathe Dil Chahta Hai and Rang De Basanti. Iqbal and Taare Zameen Par were ok but I was extremely miffed by the “Dude, you must watch this, it will change your life” type of recommendations.

You know how we like to predict the next line in a movie. And get a huge laugh when we are right. That stopped being cute for me ages ago. I am turned off when (as soon as) any of the following happens in a movie

  1. The hero (with criminal tendencies) goes abroad and is followed by the local Indian cop (usually an ACP). Said cop gradually assumes a lot of power, wears a chest holster for his gun and orders around his gang of gora cops.
  2. Aforementioned ACP displays a habit of always munching on something (fruits, burgers, anything).
  3. Plastic surgery on anyone (the kind where the entire body type changes).
  4. The inner evil of a minister/politician is brought out by showing him with girls and/or wearing his khadi kurta and sipping on a glass of whiskey.
  5. A good guy sacrifices his life.
  6. The hero mourns the death of aforementioned good guy by holding the dead head on his lap and shouting out at the heavens.
  7. Seeing footage being wasted on a small, trivial object (ring, scarf, etc) and knowing that it will be of some significance in the climax.
  8. Hero’s mom is a woman with a sharp tongue but a heart of gold who somehow tolerates and feeds all the hero’s friends.
  9. Hero’s college friends are unpardonably ugly.
  10. Lyrics (all movies, all songs, no exceptions).

4 responses to “Hindi Movies

  1. dude! from the points mentioned above, i see why you hate some hindi movies … but none of the points above justify why you hate RDB or Dil chahta hai …. plus, you gotta see some real good hindi movies like Saher and Parzania. I understand most of the bollywood movies are kinda stupid but you can easily look and find the better (and the really good) ones …. not all the hollywood movies are great .. are they? you just need to make sure that you watch the better ones ..

  2. of course there are good hindi flicks.. but what turns me off is that when people start painting them as the next best thing..

    as for rdb.. i will denounce it till my throat is in shreds. it was based on a wafer thin premise.. aimed squarely at change-the-system college types..

  3. To add a few to the above list (only for movies of 80s and 90s)

    1. If hero’s friend is a muslim (bollywood) or a black (hollywood), its highly likely that he will give his life while saving hero’s life

    2. If two heros are fighting (like amitabh and dharmendra or likewise), they will have the equal share of bashing and blows , not one less and not one more

    3. If two heros are fighting who are brothers (or lost brothers), the big brother will always win

    4. If a heroin weds another guy (against her wishes) and is likely to get back to the hero, she will not have sex (willingly or un-willingly) with her husband

    5. The comedian always gets the pretty girl Example Rajendra Nath (dunno how desperate people were getting into movies)

  4. yet you saw Rajneeti on first day! hypocrite!

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